From First Love to Forgiveness: Learning to Let Go of the Past

When I was in my early teens, I fell in love with a girl I thought was my future, my forever.

She came into my life during one of the darkest times I can remember. My stepfather was abusing me, and my biological mother took his side, refusing to believe a word I said. That girl made sense when nothing else did. She lifted me up. She kept me happy. She helped me forget the pain waiting for me at home.

But like most teenage love stories, it came to an end. And even now, more than twenty years later, I still think of her. I still wonder what could have been if we had managed to make it last.

For years, I blamed myself. I blamed myself for everything that went wrong in that relationship. I blamed myself for being a bad son, the kind of son a mother could not love. I blamed myself for being the reason my father left. I blamed myself for being worthless, especially when my stepfather locked me in the basement.

That became the pattern of my life: blame. Every mistake, every ounce of pain, every heartbreak, I told myself it was my fault.

But one day, I changed my perspective.

You Are Not Your Past

We have all stumbled. We have all made choices we wish we could take back. We have all lost people. And too often, we blame ourselves for the actions of others.

Hear me when I say this: you are not your past. You are not the sum of your mistakes. You are the lessons you took from them. You are the strength you gained through the pain. You are the fighter who stood up after being knocked down.

When someone walks out of your life, it is not the end. It is just a chapter closing and a new one beginning.

There is a quote by Oscar Wilde that says:
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”

You are not broken. You are becoming.

The cracks in your foundation are not proof of failure. They are proof you have been tested and you are still here.

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Too often, we let our pasts become prisons. We chain ourselves to regrets and convince ourselves that we are not worthy of better. That is a lie.

It is only your mind trying to protect you from the pain of memory. But life is not meant to be painless. To live fully, you must embrace the full spectrum of emotions, the joy and the heartbreak.

Whether it is a painful breakup, the loss of someone you love, or the ending of a relationship, it is all part of the cycle of life.

Do not let the pains of the past keep you prisoner in the present.
You can only live the dreams of the future if you free yourself from the chains of yesterday.

The Girl That Got Away Led Me to the Woman Who Stayed

If my first love had not ended the way it did, I would never have met my wife. The woman who gave me the greatest gifts life has to offer: our three beautiful children.

She is the direct result of everything that happened back then. Without that heartbreak, the foundation of my marriage would never have been built.

And my wife, she is my pivotal piece. The one person I know will always have my back when the world bends and looks down on me.

Final Thoughts

You are allowed to outgrow the person you used to be.
You are allowed to forgive yourself for what you did not know then.
You are allowed to be more than your worst moments.

The goal is simple:
Learn.
Grow.
Move forward.

Live life fully. Not just for yourself, but for those who came before you.

Destin B. Tran