I just lost my grandpa...

An important chapter is ending and a new pivotal one will soon begin.

My life has just changed once again, a few days ago I lost my grandpa. I have always told myself I would there when it happens. But unfortunately, I wasn’t. He had moved thousands of miles away to another state not too long ago so that my aunt can watch them, and unfortunately I had a life to live and a family to raise. It was rough not being able to stop by and check on them as I had routinely did, and come by with some food or have a beer with my grandpa. But you could say I was a spoiled kid, who was fortunate enough to have both his grandparents in his life all the way up to his mid thirties. I have friends and acquaintances who wish they could have had this experience.

As the news got to me one of the big regrets that came up one of which I planned a visit this up coming summer with my eldest son, but unfortunately as we all know life does not stop for anyone, and it will do what it does.
Every single person in this world has an invisible hour glass full of sand that is continuously running, some are faster, some are slower, but every single one of them eventually out of sand.

As I write this, I ponder why just a few years ago when my grandma passed, it totally wrecked me. Yet, this time around, I am steadfast in my resolve? Here, I am sitting on this flight towards another state thousands of miles away to attend a funeral, I do not want to go to. Yet, deep inside me knows that, come high or high water I will not be missing this flight for anything or anyone. Why? Because this time around I am not doing this just only for my grandpa, I am also doing this for me!
You see over the last few years after going through so much loss and pain, I have learned to disciplined my so that it is ready for moments like this. To simply put, it’s like this, my purpose and duty for these next few days are to attend this funeral; for a legendary man who was pivotal in my life. In honor and out of respect for him, I must treat these next few days with utmost respect, and see it for what it is, one final thing I can do for him, and I must do this to the fullest of my ability with love. In order for me to do this I must put myself in the perspective of the present and savor this moment, even if it’s during moment like a funeral. If I can be discipline in a time like this, and follow through with integrity, there is no way that I wouldn’t reach my goals eventually.
I guess you can say I have matured, or it could be that the pains of life has numbed and made me emotionless, but yet I believe it is a combination of both these. This experience can be summed up as this; an important chapter in my life is ending, and a new life changing chapter needs to began, but in order for the next chapter to begun, I must finish these final pages.

I can’t say there isn’t any sadness, because Of course there is, I am a human being, that has just lost a big pillar and foundation to his life. I lost a protector, a role model, and a voice of reason that for the last 36 years has guided me through the toughest parts of my life. It is as if a beacon in a life full of darkness, has just been extinguished. BUT THIS TIME I AM ready for it. This time I am READY to go through and SAVOR this pain, and see it for what it is. A temporary PAIN one must take to honor the passing of someone they LOVE. FOR if it wasn’t for moments, life would not be what it is, and without these lows, one would never be able fully experience and enjoy the highs!

So as I woke up this morning, and got ready for this flight, I asked myself, “If I can’t live through moments like this with a disciplined mind, how would I ever be able to accomplish these big dreams that I am pursuing? For through these dreams, my grandpa lives on. Just like my grandma, my Siberian husky, aunt, uncle, and my unborn child SAO who was just way too perfect for this world, so he just went straight on ahead to his destination. I must remember to remember that through their passing, I must carry on, because one day it will be my time, to go, and like them I also want to leave a mark, or maybe perhaps a dent in this world.

So as this plane is getting ready to touch down in Dallas Texas, I would like to say Rest in peace grandpa. You are truly warrior of your time. A soldier who had the courage to venture out and fight for what he believed. You are brave for parachuting continuously behind enemy lines in the name of duty. You are impeccably resilient, for having survived getting shot through the cheek twice, but you kept going knowing that you WILL survive, and this you DID. PERHAPS, during that lowest point of your life, you chose to live rather than die, to keep going rather than to quit, and by doing that you were rewarded with your sons, and daughters with a legendary wife who held you down, and the children’s of those children, of which one of them would become me.
So, no I will not miss this plane, and funereal for anyone or anything. For you see, my grandpa, he crawled all the way back from hell, just so one day I had the opportunity to exist. If he had decided to give up that day, I would not be sitting here this day. A legendary warrior who was resolute in his conviction, and a man of honor who lived with pure integrity. A great human being full of compassion and last, but not least the greatest grandpa a grand kid can ever have.

May you rest in peace, and continue on in your journey where ever they lead you. I may or not ever get the chance to see you later on, but that doesn’t matter now, be cause from now on you will forever live within me.

Yours truly,
Destin B. Tran